Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
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