stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
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