I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
Randomize
