there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
