there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
Randomize