he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
i out mim tonsoeep
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
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