I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
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