Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
Randomize
