wrigley field is MILF paradise
that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
I accidentally burped into my bong.
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Randomize
