we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
Randomize
