Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
