I got chris browned last night
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
Randomize
