I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
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