I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
Randomize
