Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
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