so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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