not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
