I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize
