Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
