Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
being pregnant is like rehab
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
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