If i come over, it means nothing
If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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