Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
