I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
Randomize
