sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
And then he peed in my hair
Randomize
