I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Randomize
