I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Randomize
