I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
