he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
Randomize
