i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
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