My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
Randomize
