I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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