Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
Randomize
