I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Randomize
