Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
Randomize
