I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
Just high enough for therapy.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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