Taylor Swift is so right about you.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
