I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
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