Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
