sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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