I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
they're like a gay fantastic four
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Randomize
