i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
Randomize
