I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
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