We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
