Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
