Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
