Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
We're using joints as your birthday candles
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
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