hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Randomize
