i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
I wish i was in the wii world.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Randomize
