but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
Randomize
