I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Randomize
