i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
Randomize
