and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
Randomize
