Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Randomize
