Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
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