I want to make a zoo with you.
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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