I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Randomize
