... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
There are leaves in my underwear?
Randomize
