I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
Randomize
