I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
