i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
Randomize
