Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
Randomize
