I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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