Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
two words...techno handjob
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Randomize
