I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
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