Three words: puerto rican gang bang
i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
