just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
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