I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize
