I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
