I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Randomize
