On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
Randomize
