just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
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I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Randomize