dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
