so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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