Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Randomize
