i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
She told me I should be a condom model.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
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