just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
