I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
