I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
