would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
