think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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