Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
Randomize
