I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Randomize