You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
Randomize
