It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
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