her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
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