Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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