then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
